I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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