this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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