I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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