I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
