if i can run in heels then i can drive
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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