Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
