I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
