Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize