I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
