Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We need to get me chipped asap
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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