I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
