Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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