"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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