we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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