Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
