White coat. Heels.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Randomize
