yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
