I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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