theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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