I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
