Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
40s are totally the cure
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
