it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
