you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
