You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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