He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
