As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize