I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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