I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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