She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I can't turn off my feet"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
