I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
