Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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