Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize