it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
