benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
