Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
