You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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