You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
