all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
