Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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