bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize