Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
