Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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