i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
