you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
