Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
