I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
