All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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