I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
