Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
