Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
