Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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