if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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