Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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