can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So much Jack, so little girl.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
