So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
