i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Still dying that you shit outside
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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