I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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