a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
last night I used snow as a chaser
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
