I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
