sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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