Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My feet surprised me
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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