I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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