taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
