Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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