She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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