The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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