i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
