he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
