i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
